As I await the arrival date of our little cub at the end of April, I find myself not just worrying about how our lives are going to change, the added expenses and how unprepared I am (think my husband has his shit together it’s just me!) which is all normal things to worry about right?! But I also find myself worrying about my job so much! I’m not sure I would be worrying as much if I was in the UK – which is a strange comment to make without any backing points but I just feel it’s soo different over here.

Speaking from an honest point of view I already find I’m busting my ass 25% more than I was before (I was up at 110% due to the fact I’m female, came into this role without the same experience as my peers had and although I did work offshore I feel that experience was overshadowed by my move into recruitment) so I’m now up at 135% trying to get as many meetings and trips crammed in before due date and I have to keep pulling my mind aside and saying ‘chill out!’ But I just can’t!!

Is this a normal feeling to have?! I was asked the other day what my plan was and if I was sure I cope with work…. I mean as a women who is trying to build a career in a still predominantly male populated world it’s crazy I felt the need to justify myself and how STILL right I am for my position. How come men aren’t asked this question? They also don’t need to carry a child for 9 months while still trying to act like a normal human! That in itself deserves more respect, but I feel it’s still such backwards thinking that we should all be stay at home moms. Heaven forbid we want it all. I’ve always aimed high and still feel positive of the opinion that we CAN have it all, but it just means putting in the hard work – as I know it will be juggling it all.

Being honest, who hasn’t experienced a flicker of resentment towards the colleague who always leaves at 5.30pm on the dot for the nursery pick up, when you’re slogging it out until late?

Meanwhile, the fraught mum feels she has to lie about having time off to take a sick child to the doctors and is often cramming the work of a full-time job into part-time hours and – crucially – on a part-time wage.

As for the stay-at-home mum? She’s fed up with everybody assuming she sits around watching daytime TV and fears her skills will be dismissed when she does return to work.

It’s a culture that manages to leave all of us feeling hard done by. But what to do about it?

The first female director of policy planning in the US State Department, she had two sons and a husband who manned the home front while she was working for Hilary Clinton. Then her eldest started getting into trouble – suspended from school and picked up by the police.

When the time came to renew her contract, Anne-Marie decided she was needed more at home and turned it down. As someone who’d always believed women could achieve as the equal of any man, it was the last move she ever envisaged making.

Afterwards, Anne-Marie wrote about why it was impossible to ‘have it all’. She concluded the twin responsibilities of family and Work are sometimes simply incompatible, even with lots of support. Some women accused her of letting the side down, while others applauded her honesty.

This is just one situation which I found online and found interesting.

What are your thoughts on this?

I mean women have proved it’s possible to work full time, climb the corporate ladder while raising a family AND keeping the household together – I mean these women are wonder women but it’s possible no?! One of my closest friends is this person and I’m in awe of her and hope she gives me the strength to do the same.

So I feel this is a semi rant plus feeling insecure with a touch of sheer panic on how life will be! Let me know how you handled it all and also if you felt worried with regards to your job on the run up to birth.

P.s thank you for sticking with me throughout this! Putting my thoughts on paper is my savor and therapy and stress relief all in one. I just pray I’m not the only one feeling all these emotions! Xx